Why have I started a men’s group here in Zurich? Partly for my own benefit and partly to help other men.
You know, today’s society sends mixed messages. On one hand, we men must avoid anything that could be seen as toxic masculinity, scared shitless of being too assertive lest we get canceled. On the other hand, we’re expected to be strong, determined providers, with our value measured by our bank balance. We have to deal with the pressures of work, family, and much more without ever showing any sign of the strain it puts on us. Even our self-help gurus advocate stoicism –emotional mastery –as the ultimate virtue.
We’re in a pressure cooker, told not to show weakness. Only anger is allowed, and even then, only in moderation.
Leaders, CEOs, and founders must navigate all this under constant scrutiny.
Is it any wonder that many men withdraw into themselves? They try to project a stoic, accomplished exterior while distancing themselves from their own feelings and deep personal connections. Some even embrace a toxic caricature of masculinity in response.
Despite cultural changes, men today are still expected to silently bear the stress of pursuing lofty goals. The impact is clear: rates of self-reported loneliness and suicide among men have skyrocketed.
No matter how successful they are (or perhaps because of it, as the pressures mount on the way up), men need the companionship of other men…but they rarely get it. Even when they spend time together, like in sports, the only acceptable communication is banter and trash talk. Vulnerability and feelings are seen as unmasculine. You get metaphorical wedgies for that.
Yet, I often talk with men about their deep feelings—pain, loneliness, grief, pride, and love. Men feel as deeply as women but are looked down on for showing it publicly, so I’m often the only other male they’ll be real with.
What’s most important is that I (and the men who attend) do not have to have my shit together at the men’s circle. I can be sad, confused, or scared. I can drop the facade of perfection society demands, be seen without judgment, and be held accountable for becoming the best version of myself. That is a powerful thing.
That’s a men’s group.
And it’s a a crucial support structure for any man interested in doing more than shutting up and winning (or pretending to) every day until you die.